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[personal profile] blossomdreams
This is going to be long so I'm going to put it behind a cut!

Hi! It's been awhile since I updated huh well there have been some pretty amazing things happening. Well, I think they're amazing. First off, the most amazing and weirdest thing happened.

My mom talked to me like I was a person. Weird, right? It started after I ignored her for a week and pretty much made the plan of ignoring her until I finished my semester and looked for out of state grad school options, then one day she started talking to me again. I was apprehensive at first, waiting for the other shoe to drop, when it didn't. It still feels weird to me and I haven't fully accepted that she wants to talk to me, but she stopped blaming me for stuff so I suppose that's a victory.

Next, I'm still struggling with a decision I made. See, about three months ago my friend (don't know if I can call her that now) called to see if I wanted to go on a trip to the Bahamas I told her no, but she stayed on the phone with me for three hours, until I caved and said yes. I didn't feel very confident (I still have no job and I'm still in school so I feel uncomfortable doing this) she wouldn't leave me alone. When I told her no she came by campus picked me up and kept me at her house, until I bascially said yes again. Then she talked to me again when During both times she gave me wine, then at the time at her house she had me talk to her mom and even pray that I make the right decision. (Which I had to do because I didn't want to be disrespectful even though I'm not very religious)

I still didn't feel comfortable about it. She kept trying to tell me that I could do it and if I tell my family then they would understand, but I still didn't feel great about it. It wasn't until a few days after that I realize why. My depression kicked up and when that happens I just agree with everything so the person will stop talking and leave me alone.

Currently, we're back in a family emergency with my grandpa. So, I'm doing everything I can to help my grandma and uncles like keep them laughing the same way they did for us when my dad was sick. I forgot all about the passport that I needed. I told her that I wouldn't have enough time to leave, try to get the passport again for the third time since the first two times failed (a big sign for me tbh), pack, get luggage, and everything else. So, I told her now wasn't a good time.

She still wouldn't leave me alone. I had to bascially go off on her since she wasn't listening to me, though I hate doing that. She finally left me alone, but I still feel bad about it. Only because I can feel the same level of stress around me and I can always go on the Bahamas like it's not a life or death thing for me right now.

My best friends told me that I made the right decision and it feels like I did because the more I thought about the trip the more I got a bad feeling about it. So, while I'm glad I did it I just hate going off on someone I thought was a friend.

I might have to do it again to a guy that won't take the hint. Look, I always told him one time that I didn't want to date him. There's nothing wrong with him he's just not my type and I see him as only a friend. He continues to tell me that we're going out or that he would like to date me and I'm all look I'm not really interested. He even asked me the other day when we were hanging out with our other friends about a date even planned the day, time, and place. I had to say no once again. What is this thing about no one listening to me when I say no?

When I say no I mean no, it doesn't not me try to work me down until I say yes. I don't want to be mean. I don't, but I don't like that.

Ugh, nice guys am I right?

Oh but good news my bestie is in town and we've been hanging out! I always get so nervous, but then I'm reminded why we've been friends for 11 years now. I love her and I know she's going to be an amazing doctor.

I'm so close to graduating! I can actually taste it and it scares me XD I don't know what I'm going to do or if my place is even in Michigan anymore. I will probably look for more grad schools out of state after going through the same thing twice first with my dad, now with my grandpa I kind of want to breathe. Yes, I'm writing the pros and cons to this huge decision, but something tells me that I should see just to see if I would like it. Plus, my state is a dead zone for jobs, so we'll see.
Writing wise I'm working on a bunch of original stuff including a Victorian romance story for this contest on Jukepop that's currently eating my brain because I'm always on the paranormal side of romance, but it's been pretty fun. I have Marvel ideas and joined the Marvel Bang, trying to keep up with my blog, and I still need to get everything set up. *sighs* But I am trying to make it so yeah!

Hope everything is well with you guys ^_^

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