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[personal profile] blossomdreams
Heads up long post ahead

So one of the reasons I haven't been on here a lot is my beloved grandfather who was always in my corner along with my grandma passed on this week at the fruitful age of 77. I didn't know he was sick because he always had a smile for me and my brothers, a laugh, and a joke whenever we were down. He always made sure we had something to eat and even in his final days he always asked about us and wanted to make sure we were alright.

On the one hand yes I'm very sad even though I knew it was coming. I can't say that he didn't live a good life. He got to see his kids grow up, me and my brothers grow up, and stayed with my grandma for over 50 years of marriage. The way they would look at each other always hit me in the heart because it was so loving and deep. I base so many of my romance stories off of them. It was always so cute hearing how he used to get all dressed up before he went to go see her and the smile my grandma would give. So I can't be too sad because he did live his life and I'm so happy that I spent time with him.

One memory I'll always cherish is the one during middle school. Between my mom ragging on me about my weight and time of month I was feeling pretty down. So one day while she took the boys to do something I think get their hair cut I sat at my grandparents house. The cartoon I was watching played the song "As the saints go marching in" so while I sat alone in the kitchen I sang the whole song as a way to cheer me up. However, I didn't expect my grandpa to come out his room and applaud me. He clapped for a while too and I bowed and sang a little encore and then I listened to old songs with him and my grandma until my mom and brothers came back. So whenever I felt down about something I always turned to that memory. ^^

I guess another part of me is sad because my depression has kicked in and it's not helping my anxiety of turning 26 in three days. I'll be 26 and still in school, no job, can't sit down and concentrate long enough to write a drabble, and my mom carrying me everywhere. I'm so damn embarrassed I don't know what to do. I want to write, I want to start a Patreon for stories, and everything else, but right now I'm trying to help my grandma who always gives us a smile even though there are times where she goes off alone and I don't bother her. Still, it's nice to hear her talk so fondly about my grandpa and their life together.

My mom on the other hand can't handle it as per fucking usual. *sighs*

I know this sounds selfish, but can I have one peaceful summer? Or is that asking for too much?

I do hope everyone is doing well. I'm going to catch up on my RP tags and IDK read or something.


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