H/D BigBang Rant one of many

[blossomdreams]

Alright so I decided to finally take a chance and do a bigbang for Harry Potter with one of my favorite couples Harry/Draco. I have an idea in mind and with the time limit I know I can reach word count. I started writing it and everything sounds good right, um, no wrong. I started writing it and halfway through my beginning I start to get nervous. I'm nervous about writing something longer than drabbles and little ficlets for H/D. I've gotten very good responses for my previous work and even the stocking stuffers I did. My idea received a good review too the only thing that's wrong is my nerves acted up on me again.

I'm a pretty nervous person even though I have worked with it throughout the years. I have to fight my nerves constantly when I'm writing. I get so self-conscious and worried that someone won't like my idea (even though I know that it's possible. I'm not that naive anymore.) Or worse that my idea isn't really original. I know that many ideas get used over and over again in better ways. Well if I know this then why can't I focus long enough to actually finish my beginning.

I get worried that I made Draco too sad or not sad enough. I don't want him to be a junkie, but he's going to take more than one potion to go to sleep at night. I get worried that Narcissa is cracking a little bit too much or if it's normal for a woman who lost her place in high society to take up a craft like crocheting when everything becomes too much. Will I make Harry alright? Will I make Luna believable? I want Ron to be a jerk at first and then become better in time, but what if I make him too much of a jerk.

Then I get ideas like should I have Lucius go to jail, die, or stay around to mess with Harry. What about the Weasley's will I get them right? I left Fred alive in my fic (partly because I'm such a huge fan of the twins), but will they prank Ron too?

(sighs) I feel that I'm over thinking the concept and should just write without any fear. Although I know I'm going to freak out even more. Another thing I have to do is look for a beta. (tugs hair) I have to be calm and I know I can do this. If I know how come I'm so nervous?

I'll take a break plan some more and finish the beginning. Maybe then I'll be alright.